Have you noticed the growing spew of movies related to this "Friends with Benefits" theme? First there was the Ashton and Natalie movie "No Strings attached" just last year and then now there is "Friends with the Benefits" so shortly after. Since when did Fuck Buddies (well it used to be called that) stop being an ugly secret and start being commonplace? Now Daily Mail also covered two articles on this topic (see
here and
here).
I learnt about "fuck buddies" back during the Sex and the City days. While I have never tried it out myself (my friends are not my type, well except B1 *haha*, but he is my government now so it does not count), I have heard of people who do it. A few years ago, my cousin told me that her Captain (she works in the military, and somehow this sexual perversion does not surprise me. I know a lot of our military men who marry early and cheat on their wives) had a fuck buddy who was already attached. He just called her for sex whenever he felt like it and she would show up. Once they went out together before their sexual encounter and then they bumped into her boyfriend. Ohmigod right?! You would think she would play dumb and then go home with her boyfriend.. but oh no she went back with the Captain. You'd think he has some magnificent stallion penis or something... And guess what? When he got a new girlfriend whom he could fuck regularly, he dropped the stupid girl like a hot potato.
Who can she blame but herself?
She went into it with her eyes wide open. I have noticed that men are strangely very upfront about such things so she can't say that she didn't know she would be used and chucked aside one day. Maybe she is the type who thinks like men and just sees sex as sex and that they were just using each other.
Problem is, most women can't. That's why these kind of relationships are doomed to fail. You don't need to be a researcher to see that this formula can't work. Especially since your definition of "friends with benefits" may be different from hers, or that either or both of yours will evolve after much penetration and frequency. And not everyone will end up with a happy ending like in the movies.
Face it, women will not go to bed with people they do not feel emotional interest in the first place. And after the first fuck, her feelings for that man will evolve because she feels the need to find a connection with the man (that's also why women always remember the men they lose their virginity to and... HOW they lost it and why they lost it. Men can just remember how old they were when they lost it, and at best, who they lost it to and where they did). While men, they fuck because they CAN. They can emotionally distance themselves from the woman and see sex as sex, which is quite a feat (and so unfair). It's extremely disrespectful to women, to the "friend" or even to the girlfriend/wife he is cheating on. But such is life.
The man doesn't stand to lose anything. He can fuck his girlfriend and fuck the "friend". The friend can try to comfort herself and think that the reason why he continues to cheat on his girlfriend is because she is better in bed than her. Well, sometimes it's not true, but it's definitely true that it's free and he doesn't need to commit. And hello, two birds. This may be a case where a bird in the hand is not better than two birds in the bush *roll eyes*. Why rock the boat?
I am reminded of two other cases I know. One was a girl whom my ex-friend was comforting during our sleepover because her boyfriend was having his Bachelor's Party in Bali. At first I was laughing because I was like, separation anxiety? I mean you are going to marry for life. Then my ex-friend said, the guy was marrying someone else. WTF. She had the bloody cheek to call herself his girlfriend some more, when he was marrying his actual girlfriend of 10 years. Apparently she has been sleeping with him for 3 years. Well done, slut, you don't get any sympathy. Mentally I congratulated the guy, he gets some alright. The other case was my friend who told me about it, she has a friend who acts like she is some kind of emancipated woman who can talk openly about sex with men. I do too, but I have boundaries. She actually went to some Malay colleague's house and got a butt massage from him (wtf right? I honestly cannot believe that it just ended there). I tweaked an eyebrow, especially after that it seemed that the woman seemed to think that she has a connection with the guy. She is an extremely devout person (different religion from that guy), according to my friend, so I cannot imagine she would want to have a relationship with that guy. So what does she want exactly? She was INCENSED after the guy stayed at flirting with her and no progress after that, and wanted to report him for sexual harrassment. But I am like.... huh???? If I were her, I should be thankful it ended like that (if it had ended like that).
This is also why I am very angry at these kind of movie, because they portray the impossible and the naivety of love. Real life chances of a man actually falling in love with someone he is using for sex? Zilch. Why? Because this is worse than "why pay for the cow when you get the milk for free"? This is more like a case of "the cow and milk comes free whenever you want, and then the cow will wander away".
