Scrubbing my Slyvester

Came home in a funk. Took it out on Slyvester, who was innocently sitting in a corner of the room, developing little brown spots (gross). So I dragged him to the bathroom where I sat under the tap and scrubbed the living daylights out of him, much to the bemusement of B1 who stayed carefully out of my warpath.

Why are you taking your fustrations on me? I am only a stuffed pussy

Now he lies in the same position on a foldable table near the kitchen window drying off. I cannot put him outside where he will be stolen. Sigh. If any of those workers look down and see him lying there, they will probably freak out. Serves them right for looking into my window.

Bonding with my cousin over EUFA Euro 2012

Went to a wedding dinner on Samstag. Sitting at the table with my Kollegen, we started talking about the EUFA Euro 2012, especially last week's Germany vs Greece match.

Bet Löw wished he could kick everyone's ass

I managed to stay awake through the first half at least, having failed miserably in my earlier attempt in the week by sleeping earlier then waking up to watch the match. B1, who obviously wasn't trying very hard, could not wake me up when he came to bed. Then again my mistake was to trusting the man (who hates it when I ogle other men *so rare*) to wake me up to watch other men instead of crushing him between my fat paws in my zzz.

 My second strategy of staying awake by playing CoH (Diablo depresses me nowadays) worked better. However the match was so infuriatingly maddening in the first half with Germany missing so many opportunities and only finally getting one in before half-time, then later equalizing with Greece just a few minutes into second half! I was so mad I fell asleep (sounds weird but yes)...and missed Germany's 3 later goals.

My Kollegen were quite intrigued by how upset I was. "Why do you still support Germany if you are so mad at them for missing the shots?" Ah, but you don't understand... I support Germany because it's Germany. Not because they have Podolski, Lahm, blah blah.

Neuer is 我的菜. But I must say I do have a thing for Löw as well, ever since he was the head coach in World Cup 2010. Apparently my younger cousin has a crush on him too =D which makes excellent bonding, though she has mentioned that she was mortified when after telling her colleagues that she crushed Löw, he was caught on camera digging for boogers. Hahah. That's a man after my heart.

For the Win - Naked Shoppers @ Süderlügum, North Frisia

I already laughed my head off when I was reading this at thelocal.de a few day. Apparently this supermarket on the German-Danish border offered the first 100 naked shoppers a basket full of free groceries worth €270. 

Obviously this attracted only the "Why Pay Mo"s and "Heartland Mo"s (which was reported to be made up of mostly Danish...to be fair, the supermarket was in Denmark). Amazingly 250 desperadoes appeared with shopping lists and their naked bits and had to be let in in batches of 20. I suppose the supermarket did not want to get sued if anyone got poked by mistake.

Since then, several days later, Gawker actually provided the video...*thumbs up*

B1 was tremedously disappointed that only male naked bits could be seen, while I was amazed that there were people who are more tight pussy than me (will explain my latest escapade later after I succeed)

Nibblezware's Glossary:

Ang Mo - the usual rich Expat Caucasians that we are very familiar with. They live in Districts 9-11 or Sentosa Cove property and have no problems nailing local chicks no matter how ugly, fat and old they are.

Why Pay Mo (word play on Why Pay More - a Singaporean sports chain)- A Caucasian who brings his whole family to Singapore, lives in condos in less coveted areas, drives Japanese cars and sends his kiddies to locally run businesses.

Heartland Mo (word play on Heartland Mall) - A Caucasian who has assimilated so well into Singapore landscape that he lives in a HDB flat, drinks bier at the coffee shops with the rest of the uncles, takes and curses the MRT, and actually marries local chicks (pays for the cow after drinking the milch). 

Rummaging through the Recycle Bin

The Sekretärin helps some of us get copies of the free newspaper whenever she can. I was on the phone with one of the (censored) yesterday, and was scribbling notes on yesterday's newspaper because I couldn't find the notepad (buried under the rubble that sits on my tabletop).

This morning I decided to clear some of the rubble away because I could not find the hole puncher yesterday. First thing I do? I cleared the old newspapers, and happily carried them to the recycle bin, proud of myself for cleaning (cleaning operations are momentous events, not expected activities).

As I sat down to analyse the discussion yesterday and add in my notes, I discovered... fuck I threw out yesterday's newspapers too! So I ended up rummaging through the recycle bin for the newspapers, and lucky me, the stupid bin was cleared recently, so the newspapers were deep at the bottom of the bin...Butt in the air, digging deep... 

Get a Yap, no more Fap

Kloof an iphone app targeted at pet lovers, did a recent survey of 1000 pet lovers on what breeds of doggie attract the opposite sex. If your lover is your right hand, get a Golden retriever.

The ultimate Wingman - Mr Woof

The top dog breeds to attract men were:

1. Golden Retrievers (overwhelmingly seen as girlfriend material)

2. Labrador Retrievers

3. Chihuahuas (their owners are seen as 5X more likely to be a one-night-stand, but probably hot and dumb)

4. Poodles

5. Beagles

The top dog breeds to attract women were:

1. German Shepherds

2. Golden Retrievers 

3. Labrador Retrievers

4. Siberian Huskies

5. French Bulldogs

   

I only have one question... Why no Dalmatian?

That said, never stand between a man and his poochie. I once made an innocent mistake of observing that a guy's dog's name "chico" sounds phonetically like pervert in a local Singaporean dialect (Hokkein). I am sure if he could send a lightning strike through skype, I would be fried already.

Well, on the other hand, I always liked Labrador Retrievers (specifically the pale colored ones). I always wanted one called Soichiro San (B1 will get the joke) which I will give German commands to bite the buttocks of people I don't like. I am weird that way.

My new Cactus

I kidnapped this from my mother's garden. At first it only had the 4 stems. Soon after I brought it home, it started sprouting a little stem, which I thought was a flower at first... But as it became bigger and bigger, it was obviously a new baby stem, isn't it cute?

I should include photos of my crazy ass aloe vera plantation soon. Being very abysmal in my watering, the only things that survive in my house are cacti, aloe vera, 1 strangely resolute chilli padi plant and two potato plants (you heard me, potato plants). Casualties so far include 2 lime plants, 2 pandan plants, 1 baby papaya tree, and 1 strawberry plant.

Updated!!!
The potatoes didn't make it either. Sigh.

The Bell tolls - Donq Donq Donq Donq

Sweet potato bread and berry bread

After that surprisingly horrible meal we had at Tiong Bahru Bakery, I was a bit loath to try anything French for a while. But I happened to be at Taka to make use of that 20% discount I have at Kinokuniya this week, so I popped by Donq to buy some pastries. I got a bread with some chunks of sweet potato and a crust that is like cinnamon bun, a berry tart and a apple bread with vanilla cream. 

The nicest was definitely the apple bread with the real flecks of vanilla. I have to say just this bread alone blows Tiong Bahru Bakery out of the water.

Man Writer or Woman Writer - Guess who wrote these naughty erotica?

I got 8/10 correct. Could have been 9/10 if I hadn't been butt itchy and changed my answer for #2. Try the quiz out. How did you do?

Neffe vs Essen - Forever hungry vs never enough

I wanted to have a small dinner gathering to honor my beloved grandmother who sadly passed on last week (I spent 7 days in mourning so no blog updates for a while). Since she was very old, technically the Chinese call it a 喜散 "happy parting". The whole family was deeply affected by her passing, and the Tanten were not in the mood to come for the gathering so it was just me, Bruder, our better/crazy halves and my stubborn Neffe.

Ever since Bruder told me to teach his son English at the funeral, B1 came up with this wicked idea of teaching the Neffe "A is for Ang ku kueh (some sort of Chinese dessert, think: mochi)", "B is for Ba Cang (Rice Dumplings)", "C is for ..."

Ang Ku Kueh [image source: hungrypijjie.blogspot.sg]

Reason being, the Neffe loves food. Period. He is so greedy, he doesn't know when he is full (so like me). His mother recently showed him a shopping mall's catalog and asked him to choose a toy, he kept pointing at pots and pans. The only words he can utter other than greetings are "杯", "鱼". I tried teaching him "spoon" but he only responded "ya". Epic fail. Bruder said to his son "Ask 姑姑 for the spoon, darling?" Talk about GG. Your son won't even say spoon, you expect him to say a full sentence?

I saw the family resemblance in the first photo. As kiddies, Bruder and I had the same confounded expression

If my Neffe likes your cooking, he will give you his baby version of a thumbs up (which is his baby thumb resting on his fist). Ask him if he likes his mother's cooking, he will give a mournful shake of the head. I have just been given his stamp of approval. On Monday, Mutter asked him "Did you go 姑姑's house?" He just smacked his lips and said "mummmumm". He was plenty mad last Saturday that his parents did not give him anything else to eat from the table other than the cod I specially prepared for him (they had brought the pumpkin porridge they prepared for him, and he was irate that they were feeding him the lurkwarm crap when he could see the spread on the table).

Legendary Stuff in Diablo III

So unfair, I have not picked up any fun legendary items in Diablo III whereas B1, upon getting his first legendary item (called "The Broken Staff") last Tuesday, got another one the very next day.

B1's Horadic Hamburger

I want a LEGENDARY ITEM with a stupid lame name too!

Updated

 I just got one!!!! It's called Spectrum. It is a Ponyland Special, just read the description *giggle*. I am super in love with it because it is so colorful, like a Paddle Pop! Even if the specs are like shit.

I found this in a library book

Why French women do not get fat - They don't eat fatty stuff like this

I happened to buy the Sunday newspapers two weeks ago, and poring over them, I discovered a new bakery "Tiong Bahru Bakery" opened by a French baker, Gontran Cherrier. I thought it was strange that it was not eponymously named, to build on his existing fame. 

So we went down for lunch only to discover that maybe it wasn't a bad idea that he didn't do that. I didn't have my camera with me, so no photos of the place, unfortunately. Here are some from someone else's blog, if you are curious. The place was bustling with activity on a Friday afternoon (even though it was only open for such a short while), probably from all the fanfare the local media had given it.

Since it was lunch after all, I ordered tuna on foccacia, which was S$8. Bär (he had wanted to order plain foccacia but I stopped him) ordered some sort of bacon burger, which was S$8.50. This bakery is not cheap. A note to the wise, request for your order to be heated up. Despite the great service we got, none of the wait staff told us about this option. We only noticed this option, simply because we were sitting near the kitchen door, and I saw the staff warming up others' orders. It is also a bad idea to sit near the kitchen door no matter how crowded the place is. By the time we reached, there were only seats near the counter or the kitchen. I thought it was safer to sit near the kitchen. Nah. The wait staff were carrying hot trays precariously above my head a few times.

Speaking of warming your food, it's a must, because otherwise the stuff taste pretty yucky (I don't care what other blogs say, I don't like the food there). I couldn't finish my portion, which is pretty unbelievable given that I eat a lot. It isn't worth its hype. Bär was digging out his cold dead bacon from his bun. He liked his pineapple, mango and passionfruit tart, once it was heated, though it was a bit tart (the pun is deliberate) for his taste.

Since I couldn't finish the bread, needless to say I did not touch my mixed berry crumble. I brought it home in a paper bag, and the oil from the crumble seeped through the bag (as you can see from the photo) on both sides. It made my office desk oily (I had not paid attention to it after leaving it there until end of day) and I had to hold it gingerly between tissue paper while in a grumpy B1's car (he warned me against dirtying his car). 

The next day, I had it for breakfast, after cutting it into two and heating the halves up for me and the still sleeping B1. It was incredibly oily though sweet (I suspect he used a biscuit base). No way French women ate this stuff, even if the lady from the nearby French Bookshop bought her lunch from the bakery. We were standing outside her shop and she was mollified that she made us wait so long. I think she felt a little vindicated, after I had the blatant cheek to ask her if she sold German books (hey she had a small English section, so I thought I would try to ask her. After all, German books are really hard to find in Singapore, other than Kinokuniya).

B1, the other fussy eater (I apparently have spoilt his tastebuds over the years, thanks to my being fussy about food) didn't finish his share. 

Tante just called

She just called and started reciting to me the error message she saw on her computer screen. What the FUCK, seriously.

I am not your fucking helpdesk. I guess it is because my *censored* call me everyday (even when I am on leave - I am so looking forward to my coming break, that people are starting to be surprised that it isn't going to happen for a while yet, given how excited I am) to resolve stupid project-related problems, so by the weekend I have no patience to help others fix their fucking computers. Ever since I moved nearby, she has been showing up immediately after a quick phone call and expects me to drop everything to fix her fucking pc. I hope that thing catches fire.

Turned out, her pc couldn't recover from "configuring updates stage 3 of 3 0% complete."GG. I tried all kinds of options like safe mode, restoring from last known stable configuration, etc. Nothing worked. So I asked her for her OS disc. She apparently threw the discs away with the box despite my reminding her many times before to hold on to the proprietary discs. Well done, genius.

She only had the first half of my system restore discs (for some miraculous reason, I did a system restore disc for her before), but apparently the other half is missing. So too bad, I told her I couldn't do any more, other than give her ACER's hotline since me and B1 do not have VISTA (fuck VISTA) installers.

She later came back to take her internet dongle, and declared to me that she would fix it herself. Good, don't find me next time.

Updated!!!
She smsed me this morning,"I call Acer, he told me that there is an eRecovery installed in the computer. He has emailed me the details. I will bring my computer to you on Sunday 9 June."

*imploded already*

It's EURO 2012

It's time to start warming up for my upcoming tussles with the neighborhood uncles as we fight over the uncomfortable chairs in McDonald's in front of its big screen tv. You see, Euro 2012 starts next week and I'd rather suck on a grenade and die before I will pay to watch it.  I am so going to be sick of McDonald's food again. I spent the entire World Cup at McDonald's and could almost recite the menu by the time it was over.

Anyway here is my tracking list for the dates, times and winners of the matches. I'd wish I was still playing CoH, then I can have lively conversations with T and R about the matches. But it's ok, because I'd bet they would be watching the matches too.