I abhor change. Change brings uncertainty which means I have to go manage it most of the time. Which also drives me to anticipate change until sometimes I feel like I am turning into a worry wart or paranoid person who always see the glass as half full... of poison.
So today I am mugging for an exam tomorrow (long story how that happened) and because I am the kind of person who is tempted by tv shows and other earthly desires, I can't study at home. I sometimes think that it's because as a child I was not taught self control. My parents always saw the need to ground me or impose "tv verboten" on me, warden-style that I cannot study well unsupervised...
Eg. A few months ago, Arbeit required me to study for exam, 22 topics passing grade 70%. I couldn't study on my own... and went home to my parents, tail between my legs to study under their watchful eye (age: 34).
So today, I went to the library to study because as usual i wasted the morning of my leave watching American tv. It has just undergone Reno (ie the change ) but for once I appreciate the change. Because I am now sitting on a tall wooden stool with no backing and no cushion. If i don't concentrate and fall asleep I am going to fall down and crack my head ala humpty dumpty. Making major inroads on studying, barring taking a break to type this entry.