Saturday Munchies 24 - It's getting too hot to argue, let alone cook

You know love has died when your so-called beloved kicks you out of bed at 11am by leaning on the doorbell until you dig yourself out of the seductive comfort of your bed, on which you saw and were incidentally very freaked out by a lizard crawling by your favorite teddy bear just several hours ahead but exhaustion from the heat chiseled away at your resistance and disgust and sleep overcame you...

And demands breakfast as you toss the key out at him.

Since it is 11am, and very hot in the day, there is no way on this hellish Earth I am ever going to stand over a even hotter stove. So I made a very simple tuna salad. I had wanted to make chicken chop, ala IT ROO style (IT ROO being the JB cafe I wasn't able to go last Tuesday with the rest of the office gang because I was burning up a fever in the sweltering heat while making shitty love to a toilet bowl) because I wanted to experiment with potato chips (British style/ Hainanese cooking style). Did they make the chips by boiling/steaming the spuds before seasoning and frying? Or just frying? But for some bizarre reason, there was no potato in the house (and like I said earlier, it was too hot). 

Perhaps to others, it would be unsurprising. But I have grown up in a household where my father keeps a crazy stockpile of food akin to those nutjobs in "Extreme Couponing" (but without putting much mercenary and calculative effort so we are very poor people eating very well). So I am used to reaching into the fridge and pulling out miso, random steaks, homemade belachan (we are a family of food snobs), shrimp of all sizes (an annoying fact because I don't touch the stuff) and frozen potato latkes.

So I found a can of tuna buried deep in the dry goods section of my storeroom, after getting knocked on the hand by a violent can of boiled nuts. I reached deep into the fridge and found carrots (we always have carrots, you would think Bugs Bunny lives here), a Japanese cucumber, red onion (I preferred yellow onions, but Vater likes the red ones and he does the shopping) and some probably very stale quail eggs). After boiling some fusilli (I asked Mutter to buy macaroni last week when I wanted to soothe my fragile tummy with some chicken macaroni, but she bought tri-colored fusilli instead!), I discovered to my horror, my canned tuna was mayonaise ladden. So no Japanese dressing, I dumped some Miracle Whip, salted and peppered liberally and I was done.

Sometimes I swear it's like I am a fucking walking restaurant.