Friday, December 28, 2012

Epic Disastrous Experience at Two Face Pizza and Taproom

Went out for dinner with B1, Mr Bear (I decided everyone other than Bär, Onkel H, 12 and B1 will be simply called Bear) and Mrs Bear. It was a culinary disaster of epic proportions. Oh ja, blogging more now because it's the holiday season and I achieved a massive milestone at Arbeit yesterday so phew, the chain around my neck is a bit looser now.

We were supposed to go Abe Diner (2nd failed attempt) but because I thought that the Abe Diner, being new, would have lots of seats but it was as small as it was nondescript-looking. And it was heavily patronized by the Japanese salarymen. I suspect it was because of the ad they put in the Japanese free magazine. Anyway so we had to sit outside in the relative twilight and I cannot stand cigarette smoke (it makes me sneeze and have headaches).

On top of that the prices were not very competitive, Abe Diner being more of a Izakaya, and selling limited food items. I pointed at the coffeeshop opposite. Why not try that? It looks relatively filled and was more brightly lit.
Kopitiam by day, pizzeria and taproom by night
Since Mr and Mrs Bear had their tummies filled up with the buffet tea they had, they were ok with the move. And B1 has no culinary opinion. We took up seats at the coffee shop (we call them "kopitiam"s in Singapore). The concept was quite clever. By day a coffeeshop with many stalls, at night it was a one taproom and pizzeria, called Two Face Pizza and Taproom, with blackboards shielding the food stalls from view while describing the menu items.

Its focus was primary finger foods, pizzas and bier. I scanned quickly one of the blackboards. Ok, fries S$4, fried pork belly with maple mayo S$8... wtf? My fav Foie Gras? There it was PAN FRIED foie gras with fries. Ok must order.

So we ordered the following:
Fried Pork Belly
PAN FRIED foie gras with fries
Seafood pizza
Fristo Misto of Calamari (the lady heard salah, and thought we ordered carbonara)
2 Cokes
2 Sapporo biers

The idea was that Mr and Mrs Bear were still very full so they just wanted to eat their calamari and drink some coke. I wanted 2 starters as my meal and seafood pizza was for B1. 

When we ordered, the lady was polite but distracted. She told us the Sapporo beer was cheap, only S$7 a glass. Then she indicated the glass inside the fridge. B1 being the Bier glut, asked her what is the capacity of the glass mug. Was it a pint?

"Standard size like other places."
Pork Belly with maple mayo
The waiter started serving the pork belly. Most excellent. The fries that came with it were edible. One thing bad about it was that the mayo was too little. Maybe it was because I was very hungry. I started grazing at the basket with my greedy paws.

It all went downhill from there.

Where was the cutlery? A waitress passed by and said she would get us the cutlery and plates. First oops. The cutlery were filthy, and the smaller plates for eating were served stacked so when we shared them out, we found one plate had crumbs, another had a dollop of chilli. Ewwww.
Dirty plate with chilli
The waitress had dashed off to grab water for us. When she came back she saw our grossed out faces and said she would get us new ones, but in the meantime did we still want the water? I later noticed that Mr Bear didn't touch his, and Mrs Bear only drank a little.

The waiter popped by and dropped off the pizza and the bier. Oops #2. The beer was served in like 300ml mugs? So little... and wait, one was only 2/3 filled and the other 3/4 filled. That is terrible. B1 was PISSED. He is no epicure (I notice that he only demands high standard when it's my cooking, that ass) but don't come between him and his bier. He was annoyed enough to demand that the bier to be topped to the correct capacity.
Seafood Pizza

He pointed at the 2/3 bier and said "this beer looks like it has been drunk." The waiter said sorry and that this was because of the foam. WTF *haha*. I swear B1 gave him my "vendor look".

Anyway the guy apologized and ran off to fill the bier to the correct capacity (I hope he didn't spit into it, but it didn't look that foamy *haha*). B1 was still mad about the beer quantity. Standard my ass, I heard him mutter angrily, drinking his bier.

The  waiter came back and tried to serve us more pork belly. We said we already got our order then he walked off only to come back five minutes later with a plate of cabonara. ???

"We didn't order that but if you want to give us it's ok." I laughed. The waiter didn't find it funny and pointed out that we did order that. Sigh. Turned out the lady misheard me, but it was our own fault for not checking the receipt. So we just ate it. Mr Bear being stuffed (stuffed bear *haha*) nibbled at the bacon and remarked "why is this bacon black?"

B1 replied "why is the cabonara brown?"

Mr Bear "I think it is mushroom."

Me "where is the mushroom?"
Burnt Cabonara
Four pairs of eyes stared at the plate. No mushroom was harmed in the making of this dish. Clearly the cream was murdered that's why it was a dirty brown with black flecks (which was definitely not pepper). Hmmmm. Still I was hungry so I ate up. Mr and Mrs Bear were super turned off.

B1 concentrated on the seafood pizza which came with scattered bits of lala clams, miscellaneous squid and prawn parts. I flicked off the prawn, and tasted it. I like my pizza very thin so I thought it was ok. Not fantastic but 5/10 kind of standard. We could all hear the waiter apologize to the table behind us.

"Must be the way they operate. First apologize then serve." Mr Bear observed drolly.

I continued munching and we yak yaked a bit more. I was almost full when the foie gras arrived. I had been looking forward to it. I had been waxing lyrically to Mrs Bear that the best way to eat foie gras is to have it pan-fried and hot on a nice steak. She looked kind of ill.

When I looked down at the basket. I was like ...
2 sad-looking pieces of carbon sat on a basket of soaked fries. EWWWWWW. They looked like something a severely constipated dog pooped out after grimacing on the grass. The dog would definitely have had a less pained look than me, who approached the basket with a hesitant fork.
Carbon in a basket
"It is supposed to be pan fried. Why the fuck did they burn it until like that? If it were deep fried, I would never have ordered it!"

Yup, looks like carbon. Tasted like carbon. How could they treat this beautiful product like that? Mr and Mrs Bear did not even dare to touch the basket other than making a collective ugly face at it. B1 just drank his bier.

We should complain, but at that point, we couldn't be bothered already. S$14 for this literal crap.

Mr Bear pointed out that fries on their own cost S$4. So basically I paid S$10 for this two lumps of coal.

This really dampened my mood. Mr Bear remarked that the cafe was aptly named, the menu is one face, the food is a different face. I know the cafe was only opened for 3 weeks. But this is crap. I can accept bad service in a new restaurant but food wise. wtf. Where is the QC? You can't serve this to people and expect to get away with it.

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