Yesterday Mutter told me that someone drowned at the swimming pool I always swim at...so I went to check out the news online. Then we saw this article about a NTU student slashing her wrists and neck (Lala later said she also poked a knife in her head, but I didn't read that). What I read in the comments were more offensive and intriguing. This nick "xinjiapozaiwojiaoxia" (obviously someone from China, because the nick translates to "Singapore at my feet") posted a super nasty poem titled "来到新加坡才知道" instead of heckling or sympathizing with the person who quite possibly attempted suicide.
Since I was rushing to work, I bookmarked that page, thinking I would read it when I come home. Little did I expect, the moderator would delete the comment because it elicited even more vitriolic responses. No fear, I know how to GIYBF, so I found the poem on a Chinese (as in from China) website. What was even more interesting is that I also dug up a Malaysian version, though that one was archived therefore much harder to retrieve and was not really a poem. It was more like a forum subject, and everyone was posting their opinions. So I wasn't really able to get the whole thing for the latter version.
Anyway everyone, this is what some of our Foreign Talent think of us...I find that the Chinese version is so much meaner, ruder and nastier as compared to the Malaysian one. It does make me wonder, why the F they come here if we piss them off so much?
- this is where I got the full "poem" from.
来了新加坡才知道，8加3是要用计算机的
来了新加坡才知道，自杀不死是要坐牢的，
来了新加坡才知道，10岁以下小孩有用N97的，
来了新加坡才知道，70岁老婆婆工作是正常的，
来了新加坡才知道，生孩子越多政府给的补贴是越多的，
来了新加坡才知道，每一天都有跳楼的，
来了新加坡才知道，小姐是要有营业执照要缴税的，
来了新加坡才知道，没有准证的小姐犯法，但嫖客嫖谁都是不犯法的，
来了新加坡才知道，宾馆是可以只住一个小时的，
来了新加坡才知道，变态是每天都可以见到的，
来了新加坡才知道，年薪20wRMB是算底层的，
来了新加坡才知道，什么事情都是要投诉的，
来了新加坡才知道，不小心碰到女人手，她可以告你非礼的，
来了新加坡才知道，家里或路边有蛇都要报警的
来了新加坡才知道，中国便宜的东西这里是超级贵的
来了新加坡才知道，女人的腮红可以化的像猴屁股的
来了新加坡才知道，叫叔叔阿姨是没人理你的,称安扣安绨的
来了新加坡才知道，4,50岁的安娣最恨中国女人的
来了新加坡才知道，2个小时可以从国家的一头到另一头的
来了新加坡才知道，一天下几场雨是正常的
来了新加坡才知道，三十多度还有女人穿靴子的
来了新加坡才知道，这里的人最少是知道三种语言的
来了新加坡才知道，但是没有一种语音是说的好的
来了新加坡才知道，一句话没办法用一种语音讲完的
来了新加坡才知道，英语原来是可以那样说的
来了新加坡才知道，小印度的餐馆是没有筷子和勺子的（左手抓饭，右手擦大便）
来了新加坡才知道，夜不闭户是完全可能的
来了新加坡才知道，奔驰是做出租车的
来了新加坡才知道，他们干什么事情都要说谢谢的，
来了新加坡才知道，丢了钱包是不用着急的
来了新加坡才知道，新加坡的所有的地方都是开空调的
来了新加坡才知道，政府是支持人民借高利贷的
来了新加坡才知道，电费很贵但是晚上所有楼道是不关灯的
来了新加坡才知道，水是要在马来西亚进口的，
来了新加坡才知道，70多岁的老头娶个20 多岁的越南姑娘是很多的
来了新加坡才知道，新加坡人都是井底之蛙，连活鸡都没有看见过的
来了新加坡才知道，父母亲戚之间是不走动的
来了新加坡才知道，35岁以上的老处女是到处都是的
来了新加坡才知道，17以下不是处女的也到处都是的
来了新加坡才知道，天天都要有在楼下烧香烧纸的
来了新加坡才知道，家家都有神像，天天都要拜拜的
来了新加坡才知道，小强、八哥，变色龙是随处可见的
来了新加坡才知道，路边的椰子芒果是没有人敢摘的
来了新加坡才知道，厨房一年只会用几次的
来了新加坡才知道，农贸市场是叫湿巴刹的
来了新加坡才知道，这里的夜场很多好像中国乡下的个体破舞厅的
来了新加坡才知道，家庭琐事政府要管的，盐吃多少政府规定的
来了新加坡才知道，红包还有包4块的,拜年2个橘子回还拿回2个的
来了新加坡才知道，从他们那里你是借不到钱的，他们借钱都是向银行借的
来了新加坡才知道，新加坡人没有红绿灯是不会过马路的
来了新加坡才知道，这里基本上什么东西都是用“粒”来做为量词的
来了新加坡才知道，上白班的上班下班天都是黑的，上晚班的上班下班天都是亮的
来了新加坡才知道，晒衣服像降半旗似的,独一无二风景线似的
来了新加坡才知道，单身超多,要不半个孩子也不要,不然好几个的
来了新加坡才知道，马来女人越胖就代表老公对她越好,用吨形容的
来了新加坡才知道，通过那张脸就能知道月球表面长什么样了的
来了新加坡才知道，人会如此的无聊的,呆久了会神经&痴呆的
到了新加坡才知道，知道的是很多的，写不完的
到了新加坡才知道，以上所写的只有身临其境才明白的。。。。。。。。
Disclaimer: To let everyone fully appreciate how vicious this obviously Chinese (National) "poet" was, I translated everything word for word into English (Pink colored words are my comments):
What I realize after I come to Singapore, adding 8 and 3 requires a calculator
What I realize after I come to Singapore, if your suicide attempt fails, you will be imprisoned
What I realize after I come to Singapore, kids younger than 10 years old use N97 [I guess this Nokia model was new when this poem was written]
What I realize after I come to Singapore, it is common for 70 years old grandmothers to work
What I realize after I come to Singapore, the more children you have, the more benefits you get from the government.
What I realize after I come to Singapore, everyday someone will commit suicide [they are one to talk. I can instantly recall the number of suicides from FoxConn]
What I realize after I come to Singapore, prostitutes/hostesses who want to have worker permits have to pay tax
What I realize after I come to Singapore, prostitutes/hostesses who don't have permits are arrested, but their clients escape scot-free
What I realize after I come to Singapore, you can stay in a hotel for an hour [wtf?! you mean in China, they fuck in the alleys?!]
What I realize after I come to Singapore, perverts can be seen everyday
What I realize after I come to Singapore, an annual salary of 200,000RMB is considered minimum salary
What I realize after I come to Singapore, complaints are lodged about anything
What I realize after I come to Singapore, if you accidentally touch a lady's hand, she can have you up for molestation
What I realize after I come to Singapore, call the police whenever you encounter a snake at home or by the roadside
What I realize after I come to Singapore, cheap Chinese products become extremely expensive once they are imported here
What I realize after I come to Singapore, women's makeup can be done like a monkey's ass
What I realize after I come to Singapore, you must greet elders as uncles and aunties in English, otherwise they will ignore you if you do so in Mandarin
What I realize after I come to Singapore, 40, 50 plus aunties hate Chinese women the most
What I realize after I come to Singapore, you can reach one point of the island to the other in 2 hours
What I realize after I come to Singapore, it is very common to rain several times a day
What I realize after I come to Singapore, women still wear stockings at 30 deg Celcius
What I realize after I come to Singapore, locals speak at least 3 languages
What I realize after I come to Singapore, but not a single language is spoken fluently
What I realize after I come to Singapore, locals can't complete a sentence in one language [they mean we tend to insert Chinese, local dialects and Singlish into a English sentence]
What I realize after I come to Singapore, English is spoken like that?! [meaning our local Singlish]
What I realize after I come to Singapore, Little India restaurants do not have chopsticks and forks (they eat with their left hand and wipe their butts with the right) [Eh, excuse me, it's wipe with the left, eat with the right, I wonder how many persons did this "poet" insult when he ate with the wrong hand. Besides, you can ask for forks and spoons, because we have them]
What I realize after I come to Singapore, 24h establishments are common.
What I realize after I come to Singapore, Mercedes is used for car rentals
What I realize after I come to Singapore, locals say "thank you" for anything
What I realize after I come to Singapore, don't panick when you lose your wallet
What I realize after I come to Singapore, every place in Singapore is air-conditioned
What I realize after I come to Singapore, the Singapore Government encourages the people to borrow from loansharks [huh?]
What I realize after I come to Singapore, electricity is very expensive but every road and floor is lit at night
What I realize after I come to Singapore, water is imported from Malaysia
What I realize after I come to Singapore, a 70 year old man marrying a 20 year old Vietnamese bride is very common
What I realize after I come to Singapore, Singaporeans are ignorant, they have never seen a live chicken [wtf]
What I realize after I come to Singapore, relationship between parents and relatives are very bad
What I realize after I come to Singapore, 35 years old and above spinsters are everywhere
What I realize after I come to Singapore, 17 years old non-virgins are also everywhere
What I realize after I come to Singapore, everyday someone will burn joss sticks and ghost money downstairs
What I realize after I come to Singapore, every house has a idol which locals will pray to everyday [I suppose this is something Chinese will not experience, especially after Cultural Rebellion. Besides there are a lot of other faiths in Singapore too]
What I realize after I come to Singapore, cockroaches, mynahs and monitor lizards can be found everywhere
What I realize after I come to Singapore, nobody dares to pick the coconuts and mangoes grown by the roadside [I have to admit, this also irritates me that we have to let free fruit go wasted because we will get fined by the Government if we pick them]
What I realize after I come to Singapore, a kitchen is used only a few times a year
What I realize after I come to Singapore, a farmer's market is called wet market
What I realize after I come to Singapore, many night scenes in Singapore look like the breakdancing halls back in China.
What I realize after I come to Singapore, every little household matter is governed by the Government, even how much salt you consume
What I realize after I come to Singapore, a red packet can contain 4 dollars, and you get 2 mandarin oranges back after paying Chinese New Year's visits with 2.
What I realize after I come to Singapore, you cannot borrow money from locals, and they borrow money from banks
What I realize after I come to Singapore, Singaporeans don't jaywalk
What I realize after I come to Singapore, every sentence uttered ends with "lah"
What I realize after I come to Singapore, those who work day jobs go home at night, those who work night jobs go home in the morning
What I realize after I come to Singapore, hanging clothes out to dry like flags at half mast, is a unique sight
What I realize after I come to Singapore, singles are proliferant, either locals don't want children, or they have quite a few.
What I realize after I come to Singapore, Malay women who grow fat reflect their husband's love for them, can be described as tons of love [this is damn insulting]
What I realize after I come to Singapore, after you see their faces, you will how a moon face look like [i.e. they are saying round and pockmarked]
What I realize after I come to Singapore, you will become bored, and if you stay long, you will become insane and idiotic.
What I realize after I come to Singapore, you know too much until you cannot finish writing
What I realize after I come to Singapore, you can only understand the above when you experience it yourself.
来到新加坡才知道,衣服是挂着整枝竹插出去晒的
来到新加坡才知道, 原来宅在家是这样的...
来到新加坡才知道, 原来吃不肥是那么便宜的...
来到新加坡才知道, 原来名牌不一定很贵的...
来到新加坡才知道, 家人是那么可贵的...
来到新加坡才知道, 公园是那么舒服的...
来到新加坡才知道, 拖鞋也可以卖到那么贵的...
来到新加坡才知道，大马除了土地面积大，BN推行的没有一样政策是好过新加坡的。。。
来到新加坡才知道, 原来下雨时，大部分可以从家里走到最近的车站，而不会被雨淋湿。
来到新加坡才知道，虽然是邻居，但楼下的事不关楼上的事
来到新加坡才知道，做人情是要包那么大的！！
来了新加坡才知道，原来新币是那么好用的
来到新加坡才知道,报纸也有免费的。。。而且很多地方都可以拿到。。
来到新加坡才知道,报纸新闻是那么有娱乐性的
来到新加坡才知道,所谓让新加坡人骄傲的市中心夜景，平时本地人的人潮也是稀稀落落的。
来到新加坡才知道，这里每个拜五晚上都有很多人排队拿号码见部长，就好像马来西亚人排队拿号码问神酱！！！
来到新加坡才知道，五福也会上新坛。
来到新加坡才知道，巴士到站时间可以在电子板上的看到
来到新加坡才知道，这里没有人懂什么叫Mee Siput的~
来到新加坡才知道诊所可以变夜店.
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