Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Time has passed but the hurt remains

After leaving 10 years of convent school, I was thrown into a co-ed environment with a concept of love totally skewed by the romance books I have been devouring (I blame you, The Teenage Workbook). How badly skewed, you may ask? I envisaged that I was like Sissy Song, falling in love with a cool dude like Daniel Boon. Yes, that bad.

What happened painfully was that I still having this crazy notion that I would marry someone from my brother school, and so had a major crush on someone who did come from that school throughout the two years of junior college. I did not know that the guy was actually dating a girl from my so-called friend's class, until one day (near graduation) I happened to see them walk hand in hand out of school when I had to go home early because I was running a high temperature. It was not a good day.

What was even more amazing was that that girl was very popular, and was crushed by many guys. For a while, I was being "wooed" by a guy from another boy's school (I was such a snob). Truthfully I was not into him because I was still nuts about that guy. The fact that he was a flautist in the school band also turned me off, which now proves what an innocent or stupid brain I have (my god, think about it, he knows how to do controlled blowing. I have failed to appreciate such a talent *hahahahaah*.)

On top of it, my so-called friend, the one who failed to tell me that my crush was dating her classmate was very enthusiastic about telling me that whatever handmade gift the flautist gave me, he had already given her classmate. Wow. Major turn-off. I wasn't going to take any girl's sloppy seconds (again, I was a snob). So I created some really lame reason and just told the guy not to bother me anymore.

However I still wanted to be friends. He didn't talk to me for a while, and after graduation, out of the blue, he invited me out to watch a concert with him. Sparks still did not fly for me, and I found myself eyeballing other guys on the MRT. I think he knew there and then, so again we lost contact. I did feel a little bit guilty for not liking him, but I thought that he was trying his luck, not that he was really interested (because of the double present thingee and because I look vastly different from his crush. She looks like Japanese, and I look like a foreign maid on my good days. And I believe that people will always have types. Like me, I love tall quiet geeks).

We bumped into each other some years later, on my birthday. My beloved Grandmother said she was treating me for dinner because my parents were out of town, so I drove her, my aunt, B1 (we were together already) to Thomson Plaza for dinner at Peach Garden. We were walking around the mall after dinner, and I was holding onto my grandmother and chatting animatedly. B1 was being his usual sulky self and walking some distance behind, looking elsewhere. Suddenly I saw him and this girl (who looks totally different from me, thus proving my point again) walking together. Unlike the time when I was totally devastated when I saw my crush doing that with that girl, I was actually happy to see the flautist happy. He had lost weight due to NS, and he looked very happy. I waved at him, but he pretended not to see me. However I knew he saw me, because after he walked past me, he whispered to the girl and she turned and gave me one long stare. And then they tongued each other while making sure I was looking.  I had to because they were in my LOS, and my grandmother was very slow in walking, but in my mind I was like, hahahahahahahahahahahahhahaha. I later emailed him when I reached home and congratulated him and wished him well. But he never replied.

I was thinking about him recently, because I saw someone in the office who looked like the slimmer him. I wondered if he married the girl and was happy. However so coincidentally, I bumped into him when out shopping with B1. This time I was holding hands with the reluctant B1 who was whining I was ruining his chances with other girls, when we encountered him. He looked like his old JC self again, and wore a sour expression when we caught each other's eyes. I wanted to stop and talk, but he just stalked past.


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