I saw "The Karma Sutra" among the Penguin Classics, when I was on a bend to write flowery language to piss off my English teacher who was forcing the whole class to write a journal (an irony not lost on me now). Actually I lie, I was very into reading the Brönte sisters, and Jane Austen. No I do not aspire to be like Jane Eyre or Cathy. In fact my favorite book was "the Professor", the first book written by Charlotte (disclaimer: I do not share whatever the prejudices implied inside the book).
But Karma Sutra. At S$3.90, how could I resist? I also bought another Penguin Classic "Fanny Hill or Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure". I think I need to evaluate my plebeian tastes in reading.
Seriously the book sucked *snicker*. Why would I care about the acquisition of a wife? though the last part, "the Means of Attracting others to yourself" is highly amusing. Listen to this, "If a man, after anointing his lingam with a mixture of the powders of the white thorn apple, the long pepper and the black pepper, and honey, engages in sexual union with a woman, he makes her subject to his will."
I almost died laughing, which is entirely achievable because I am still coughing lots of yucky green phlegm. Don't ask me what is lingam.
But the piece de resistance of the book has to be the part about the Auparishtaka or Mouth Congress. Apparently some eunuchs worked as shampooers. Apparently Soapland Princesses existed back in the day huh?
I quote from the book:
"Under the pretense of shampooing, a eunuch of this kind (the book means the kind who dresses like men and harbor sexual desires) embraces and draws toward himself the thighs of the man whom he is shampooing, and after this, he touches the joints of the thighs and the jaghana or central portions, of the body. Then if he finds the lingam of the man erect, he presses it with his hands, and chaffs him for getting into that state. If after this, and after knowing the eunuch's intention, the man does not tell the eunuch to proceed, then the latter does it of his own accord and begins the congress. If however, he is ordered by the man to do it, then he disputes with him, and consents at last but only with difficulty.
The following eight things are then done by the eunuch one after the other:
The nominal congress
Biting the sides
Pressing outside
Pressing inside
Kissing
Rubbing
Sucking a mango fruit
Swallowing up"
At the end of each of these, the eunuch expresses his wish to stop but when one of them is finished, the man desires him to do another, and after that is done, then the one that follows it, and so on.
(1) When, holding the man's lingam with his hand, and placing it between his lips, the eunuch moves his mouth about, it is called "the nominal congress"
(2) When, covering the end of the lingam with his fingers collected together like the bud of a plant or flower, the eunuch presses the sides of it with his lips, using his teeth also, it is called "biting the sides."
(3) When, being desired to proceed, the eunuch presses the end of the lingam with his lips closed together and kisses it as if he were drawing it out, it is called the "outside pressing."
(4) When, being asked to go on, he puts the lingam further into his mouth and presses it with his lips and then takes it out, it is called "inside pressing."
(5) When, holding the lingam in his hand, the eunuch kisses it as if he were kissing the lower lip, it is called "pressing".
(6) When, after kissing it, he touches it with his tongue everywhere, and passes his tongue over the end of it, it is called "rubbing".
(7) When, in the same way, he puts the half of it into his mouth and forcibly kisses and sucks it, this is called "sucking a mango fruit".
(8) And, lastly, when with the consent of the man, the eunuch puts the whole lingam into his mouth and presses it to the very end, as if he were going to swallow it up, it is called "swallowing up".
Striking, scratching, and other things may also be done during this kind of congress.
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