Monday, August 6, 2012

百度十大神兽 China's top 10 Mythical creatures

Disclaimer: Blog Author(s) do not claim any bias/ allegiance or derogatory perceptions against any political parties. The following entry purely mortifies the gentle reader with the usual sexual connotations that appear ever so frequently on this blog. Besides this story is bloody old (from 2009)...

1. 草泥马, Cǎo Ní Mǎ (literally: Fuck your Mother)
Supposedly a series of alpaca
This and all similar cute pics are from woyaoqian005
草泥马肏你妈[img src:]

2.  法克鱿, Fǎ Kè Yóu (literally "French-Croatian Squid" or Fucker you)
Supposedly an aggressive European squid discovered simultaneously by France and Croatia (how convenient) and is said to release a white-colored liquid when agitated.
3. 雅蠛蝶, Yǎ Miè Dié, (literally "Small Elegant Butterfly" or 辞めて or "Please stop")
Supposedly a butterfly which name is the unfortunate phonetic equivalent of "辞めて" wailed/muttered/whined/moaned by Japanese AV actresses in heat. Said butterfly was discovered on 1 Jan 2009 at Qinghai-Tibetan Plateau, and legend has it that it was the transformation of a Japanese girl after the harsh pleasures pressures during a romantic relationship.
4. 菊花蚕, Jú Huā Cán, (literally "Chrysanthemum Silkworms" or "anus worms")/ (literally "Broken Chrysanthemums" or broken anus)
Ah well, you know what are silkworms, except these supposedly consumed chrysanthemums and not mulberry leaves. If you are familiar with Jay Chou's 菊花台, try re-singing the line ""菊花残,满地伤" (Chrysanthemums scattered, ground filled with wounds/the wounded) as "菊花蚕,满腚伤" ("Chrysanthemum(Anus)" worms, buttocks covered with wounds).
5. 吉跋猫, Jí Bá Māo, (literally "Lucky Journey Cat")
Phonetically similar to 鸡巴毛, i.e. pubic hair. Legend has it that that kitty lives in dark, damp environments and competes for food with the White Tiger (white tiger being a slang term for a woman's shaved pubic area).
6. 尾申鲸, Wěi Shēn Jīng, (literally "Stretch-Tailed Whale" or 卫生巾, i.e. menustral pads)
This creature was hunted for clothing material to manufacture women's lingerie and was discovered by eunuch Zheng He during his maritime travels.
7.潜烈蟹, Qián Liè Xiè, (literally "Hidden Fiery Crab" or qián liè xiàn (前列腺), i.e. prostrate glands). 
A legendary crab that once stopped up the Grand Canal, i.e. the urinary tract. 
8. 达菲鸡, Dá Fēi Jī, (literally "Intelligent Fragrant Chicken" or 打飞机 Dǎ Fēi Jī, i.e. fapping). Species of bird that likes exercise, and the males use neck spasms and spit out a white secretion to impress females during mating season.
 9. 吟稻雁, Yín Dào Yàn, (literally "Singing Field Goose"  or 阴道炎 , i.e. vaginal infection). 
A large goose dove into a certain field, damaging it and causing the local farmers to come down with a strange sickness during Kangxi period.
10.鹑鸽, Chún Gē, (literally "Quail Pigeon" or  春哥).
A species of bird is formerly found in the area that is now Yemen. 
The Chun can also refer to fa chun (发春), which is slang for sexual arousal.

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