Monday, November 30, 2009

Being Kind and Thoughtful to a Girl May Not Help You when Wooing Her

Upon reading back on my earlier entries on BGR, I realised one particular landmine in the rocky road to a budding romance.

So a while back, my male colleagues declared that they would be especially nice to the girl they are interested in (refer to Points 1 and 2 especially). But unless you are usually a big arschloch to the womankind (I have been privy before to the intriguing rehabilitation of a misogynistic geek to the charms of a beautiful programmer. Sad to say, it did not end well.), it may not be immediately obvious to the girl, leading to chaotic consequences; (1) She thinks you are a nice guy, i.e. hell would freeze over before she ends up with you, unless all the bad and exciting men have died somewhere somehow. But she will find you when the latest bad man in her life treats her like crap, which will be pretty frequent. (2) she thinks you are nice to everyone (but she doesn't like you more than as a friend) and mistakenly tries to introduce you to her single friends who will also favour a bad man over you. (3) A vulnerable, fragile she falls head over heels in love with you, or thinks that she is, leading to a very bad ending where she will either fall out of love with you, or her husband/lover/ boyfriend/ current bad man will kill you. This is a especially scary situation if you don't like her. (4) She thinks you are gay (especially easily misunderstood for metrosexual and very SNAGGY guys) (5) she is already open to having a relationship with you => your success rate using this method can reap potentially significant gains.

Notice my final point. The assumption is that she has to be already interested in you or is open to having a romance (could be anyone at this point), in order for your being kind and thoughtful to work. Oh yeah, I digress here a bit, if you have been a super shy guy or nasty piece of work to all of womankind, it will also be very hard for you to get her. Note: being bad to your girl is ok *hate to say it but treat them mean, keep them keen does work most of the time*, being bad to every girl is not ok, you will gain a nasty reputation and women are gossipy.

I  feel for the extroverted guy who is nice to everyone. Because he is fair to all, acts of particular kindness will be taken for granted by the target because she and everyone else expects that of him.  Worse still, if he is successful and gains a girlfriend, she will (1) forbid him to be nice to other girls to prevent scenarios 3 and/ or 5, as mentioned earlier, because she will never feel secure in the relationship (2) quarrel with him all the time, also because of the same reason, leading to a very short-lived romance (3) be the nice to everyone kind of girl, and he will have to beat other guys off with a stick.

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