Wednesday, January 19, 2011

The Saviour Mentality, alias the Knight in Shining Armor Syndrome

I once became really close friends with this guy whose mother died in very tragic circumstances and his father remarried and abandoned him and his brother. He was an eccentric guy with serious behavioral quirks and somehow I desperately wanted to be his best friend, who would not abandon him and be there for him always (I realize now that I liked being needed). I became obsessed with this thought of rehabilitating him so that he could become whole again, of sorts, and told him that one day when he found someone he loved, I would release him.

He became my intellectual whore (because I was already attached and I felt that he was my kindred spirit, who I could share everything with). And in the end I found that I could not let go.

Well, reading about the article, it kind of reflected my own personal reflections about the situation. The person (A) who helps the other person (B), will become emotionally attached to the other person. I am not quite sure if it works both ways though, since in my case, it was purely one-sided. One thing for sure is that B treats A as a safe harbour. Once B heals or moves onto a newer, better and/or safer harbour, B will abandon A. If B never heals, it is also unhealthy for both of them.

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